somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
