Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
