you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
