Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
