i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
