mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
