I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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