So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize