I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
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