ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
