Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
