My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
