How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
