Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
