Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
