oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
