i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize