Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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