I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
