i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
