Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
