He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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