The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
