Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
