I heard we made out
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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