I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
