he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
