her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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