Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
