Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
