She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm always down for nudity.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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