i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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