he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
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