the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
