On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
