I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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