that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Let's paint friendship bongs
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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