we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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