Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize