How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
