is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
