I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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