Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
