why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
