Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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