i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
