If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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