u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
