im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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