we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize