I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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