I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
