I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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