I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
