Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
