Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
