We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
