love makes seman taste better
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
