I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
