I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
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