You're so nebulous sometimes
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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