You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
