My first STD was from a foam party
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
