Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
