Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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