They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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