i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize