sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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