my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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